I Sky plussed a documentary on Hitler last night.

Sky plussed?
Sky-plused?
Sky+’ed?
Sky+d?

I recorded a documentary on Hitler last night. I’m not a crazed devourer of documentary channels as a rule, and happened upon the programme by accident. It was the title that demanded I press the record button. It had everything; intrigue, mystery, adventure, danger. And Nazis.

ADOLF HITLER AND THE SPEAR OF DESTINY

It sounded like an Indiana Jones sequel, so I had to have it. The story goes that the item in question pierced the chest of Christ as he died on the cross. His split blood was caught in the Holy Grail. Possibly. It might not have happened exactly like that, partly because I’ve learnt my bible references through cinema, and partly because the whole immaculate conception and son of God thing casts doubt on it happening at all, to be honest.

So there I was. I zoomed through the commercials at 30x to the opening credits, went too far, missed the start, rewound, fast forwarded and pressed play.

ADOLF HITLER AND THE SPEAR OF DESTINY

Fantastic. Here it was. I’d cracked open a bottle of Pinot Grigio, popped open a jar of stuffed olives. I was poised. Ready to be informed, educated and en-

NARRATED BY NEIL MORRISSEY

That’s Neil Morrissey from Men Behaving Badly. And those Homebase ads. Oh, and Bob the Builder. Presumably Antony Hopkins and Joss Ackland were busy that day.

I stopped the playback short of his first sentence been delivered, and deleted the programme without haste. History would have to wait until a more heavyweight thespian had an opening in their schedule.

Tomorrow night:

GENOCIDE IN DARFUR

NARRATED BY GRAHAM NORTON